Waking up to an open heart and feeling the desire to put myself out there again was beautiful and powerful. It wasn’t much different than the day I woke up and decided that I would never use again. I guess I woke up knowing that in all that I had learned, I would never be used again. Instead of building a higher barricade, I would allow myself to put myself out there, but be cautious about it. Not compromising on my needs or ignoring my intuition.
Granted compromise is needed in all relationships, but only for the better of the relationship, not compromising to compromise one’s own happiness. That’s not a match.
I still need my individuality and my alone time. There is much I know about myself and my needs and I’m no longer closing myself off to potential possibilities. With my upcoming work and heavy schedule, if the right person comes along that understands that need, I don’t feel the need to buck them and stick to my plan of staying purposefully alone for years.
A companion would be nice, loneliness happens but self induced loneliness seems like overkill to me. Being too hard on myself and the world.
Granted I won’t be going on dating sites or going out of my way to meet people and socialize. I’m bad at parties… But the way the world works, when the right one presents itself it will be on my doorstep metaphorically speaking. Searching, as I have seen has failed. But being open minded and not intentionally closed off does not. I’m tired of that position, closed. I’ve held on to that for six months, self induced isolation from potential companions. And that period is over. Just like the drugs.
It’s time to be happy again. Granted the mamba isn’t going to tame, just find another strong soul with the same outlook, aspirations and moral standing. Time matters not, but the gate has opened and we shall see what comes of it.
The hermit has opened the door and the fear has left.
Blessed Be.