So here goes…
TOP 5 - When It’s Okay To Flip The Bird
1) Someone almost hits you with any kind of speeding vehicle - It doesn’t matter if you’re a pedestrian or another driver. Either way you could have lost a leg or a fender, so fuck ‘em. Stick that finger in the air, Baby.
2) Somebody tells you something they don’t like about you, unwarranted, (as in you didn’t ask) - This silent zinger, (middle finger, duh), is the universal problem solver. It lets the Opinionated Polly know that you don’t much care for what they have to say and that beating it would be their best plan of action. There’s no verbal response and it keeps confrontation to a minimum. Nobody wants to fight the scary silent person.
3) At your boss after they’ve really honked you off, while they’re walking away - Yes, when their back is turned. And no, I didn’t say I’d be passing out any courage badges. This little maneuver is done simply for your own good. Instead of letting all of that negative shit build up so you go ballistic the next time your boss looks at you funny; flip him the bird as he walks away. Seriously, it’s better than getting fired for mouthing off later and you’ll feel better. Just don’t get caught. And if anybody sees you, add the rest of your fingers and thumb to the equation and give them a nice wave. Then a pointer finger to the lips with a smile. Mums the word, Bird.
4) Ex’s you don’t want to talk to - Now we all know the Ex Game is better left unplayed and the ignoring option is always the best strategy. But sometimes they leave you no choice. Instead of gratifying them with words a simple finger will do, then promptly exit wherever you are. They most likely won’t be trying that again, except in a few rare cases, in which then it would be advised to just change your number.
5) Political candidates on the television - No matter how steamed you are at one of the suited up figure heads, there’s no real way to tell them how you feel, (in person). Flip them off at a rally sure, but you may get swallowed by a group of angry supporters. No one wants to be exsanguinated by a pack of pissed off blue bloods. So best choice is from the comfort of your own home. And with this one, feel free to yell whatever you like. This also helps insure you from acting out any crimes against the political agenda. Just try not to piss off your neighbors.
So that’s all for today. The news is making me angry and I think it’s time for some finger throwing of my own.
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