So I knew moving to a highly conservative state would be a thing… I knew there’d be weird looks, shit talking and social distancing wouldn’t be a problem. After further contemplation and seeing the reactions, especially when I’m in my full witch/goth/punk attire, I realized this is the best place I could fucking be. I’ve been planning to get off the grid since I last lived in New York City but diverted to Seattle once again for a job offer. For my entire life I’ve lived in liberal places. Where self-expression isn’t a problem and there’s still looks but there’s always a large freak community. NYC, big time. And Seattle, no explanation needed.
So here I am in the South. Where most of the things I bitch about are directly in my face. So I get first hand experience and be an even bigger shit disturber. I can see it rather than just read about it and scare the fuckers out of their skin when I’m in public, give them something to think about. It gave me an even better sounding board. Granted I’ve seen the ugly side of the world and humans, but not in mass like here. Look out Shit-Birds, the “Devil” just moved into your backyard… I have a few stories on this, but I’ll save the one from today, Fear & Loathing at the DMV for next week. So let’s travel back a few days...
So bookstores here are limited, hell, they’re limited everywhere. And what I was looking for wasn’t going to be in anything but a chain, if I was lucky…
But to my good fortune, the piece of work everyone should own in again, (my humble opinion), was available at the one Barnes & Nobel in the rich part of town. God fearing whities that love them some jesus and conformity.
So here’s the deal, it was hot as fuck, it was the 11th, my anniversary of getting sober, 9 years, so I thought it apropos to wear my I NEED MORE shirt from my friend Jimmy’s shop in NYC, who recently passed. He would talk with me about my sobriety, about kicking addiction, him having gone through it himself and my work. Well I own a kids 4T so it fits like a crop top. I put on a long black skirt that was wavy so I wouldn’t fry. In turning the light off in the bathroom I realized my back piece was showing, it’s a large portrait of Lilith, (hopefully soon to be finished when this shit is over, Becca, I’ll be flying out to see you and get her finished up), anyway… What was showing in between my crop top and skirt were her tits. And they’re big… Colossal. Mega tits you could say and nipples blazing, I took a second look, remembered where I was going and went, “ah, fuck it, fuck ‘em”, shut the light off and got in the car.
I was going to pick up the one copy of the Necronomicon for a dear friend’s birthday. So back tits out, them belonging to Lilith seemed fitting as hell. So off I went.
Anyway, the place was weird, laid out like a god damned labyrinth and the only signs on top of the shelves I could see read “Bibles”, like multiple rows. Now back in the day, in the “religious” section everything was in the same area, Wiccan, divination and the Occult. So I started in the bible rows just looking for the sign for spiritual, new age, the typical things you see my preferable kind of material under.
Now there were three long rows of this shit, yes I mean bibles, and no offense if that’s you book, it just sure as hell isn’t mine. I don’t think I need to explain why… Anyway, first row in I noticed people that I passed scurrying past me as I was trying to get through the isle and going god dammit by the time I hit row two, the poor bastards from row one bolted from row two and the others, looked at them, then me, I turned around and when I turned back around they were gone too. Still nothing of my kind of reading material in sight. Isle three, had to be there. Nope, more bibles. Now, I know this is going to be a big shocker, but I have tendency to think out loud, by this point I was annoyed. Like how many different versions and styles of the almost same god damn thing can there be for fucks sake? Which is pretty much what I was muttering, along with you’ve got to be kidding me and mother fucker man… And some what the hells in there, not loud, just mumbling. Well the sheep were all flocked in that isle and then just all scattered in different directions. I just made a weird face once the isle cleared and shrugged my shoulders. I mean fuck it, they got to see the real thing, what they’re afraid of, and everyone needs a good shaking up every now and then and if my mere presence and back tits offend you, grow up and open your god damned mind, Fucko’s.
So onward I wandered, people bolting around me and past me in a quick like fashion taking a second to look back, a few giving me the snarl face, in which I gave a raised eyebrow and smiled. Granted I had a black damask mask on and giant sunglasses, but the eyebrow could be seen as it popped out, and the deadpan as I stood still. Like, well, if you have something to say, might as well say it, who knows if I’ll appear again in your lifetime, Buddy. So this could have enlightened them that people like me do exist, but it probably just made them go home and bathe in holy water… but again, material I can put out into the world and publically talk about to raise awareness on how dumb people are in their ignorance and non-acceptance. The supposed big guy in the sky does sure distill some fear in motherfuckers. It’s pathetic but I’ll be damned if I hide from them. Or not blast them on their horse shit should they open their mouths.
Moving on. Lilith’s tits and I continued on, finding a far corner close to the front. Now I was deep in the labyrinth and somehow in the self-help section… I look to my right and what’s there, an entire row of divination tools, wiccan/pagan/astro books galore all under the title of self-awareness… Well they got that right. As pagans/witches/members of the occult we are highly self-aware and it is that self-awareness that aids us in our journey and practice. Anyway. No occult to be found. I was at the point of just looking for somebody that worked there, because on the other side was a lonely shelf facing the entrance of the store. There’s no way in hell they’d put it there, but fuck it, I’d give it a shot. And I’ll be damned, there it was. I saw LaVey, said hello old friend aloud and snagged the one and only copy of the Necronomicon and just looked at the other works. Flipping through some other texts and then remembered I still had to get a card and wrapping materials. I looked up to see the section title… Psychology… now if that wasn’t on fucking on point I don’t know what is, because in the Occult, it’s all about harnessing our inner energy, the conscious and subconscious mind, logic, and utilizing the power of the brain to utilize it in our workings. And let’s face it, it’s common sense. As a Satanist, (and being a member of The Satanic Temple, I know this), we are very self aware people, we think, we tap into the energy around us, can spot an asshole a mile away and can utilize our minds to form words of intelligence to enlighten them that their little box they enclose themselves in is garbage, should they fuck with us. And we use our brains and words to get things done, ranging from human rights of every kind and equal rights. Don’t fuck with us, don’t be stupid and we’ll leave you alone. Now let the sheep coming knocking or get out of control, we take action and use our intelligence and studies of what we’ve retained to combat it and push for change… So the occult material in the Psychology section. Logic. Still hidden, but one I could get behind. I wasn’t happy about it, but hey, that’s just an email I can send off, poetically stating on how while it was apropos, but not having section titles that matched the type of material on the back of the book is flawed and unacceptable in a multitude of ways. If the Occult and Wiccan material has to be in the self-help/awareness section/psychology, well, they either add the good ’ol book of bullshit in there, or just label them properly. And my brilliant revelation was of course they put it blazon in the front, so they could put eyes on the freaks like me who were purchasing or skimming through the material… I’ll never hide it, but really, eyes on those interested in it? Fuck you.
Anyway, at least all the people coming into the store got a nice tit shot. Here you go Fucko’s! Tits and Satan, it’s a mother fucking party!
Off I went to the card area. It was sparse, but I kept clearing that out and these poor bastards didn’t want to be in public anymore than me, and here I am, book of shit your pants scary and indecent back exposure. The card I found had a pink envelope which invoked a lip curl, but figured I’d created enough of an upheaval and the mask was making me nuts, so I stuck with the pink… I did another eyebrow raise and beckoned them in with a covered smile, and headed to check out. My work there was done. I frightened the lemmings and didn’t need to go into overkill. Plus knowing me, if one of the card hoverer’s said some shit, I’d get loud and rattle off some facts on ignorance and how they needed to wake up and stop being close minded fucks. At this point nothing good would come from my visit, so off with the pink envelope I went. It was a nice juxtaposition to the gift. I like juxtapositions and the humor that can come along with them.
So there I was in line up with whispers of, “back up”- “why?”-“just back up”. I started laughing at this point, and I snort when I laugh. The cashier asked what I was laughing about in a nice way and I just said people. She nodded and said, “me too”. I paid and walked out, back tits out to the crowd. A final send off. What the cashier thought I’ll never know, but by reading her, I’m guessing it was a relief. Diehard, uptight Christians can be the rudest, most entitled dicks, if you’ve ever noticed. So maybe she liked it. Maybe my purchase which she didn’t bat an eye at, only smiled and sent me on my merry way, gave her a right on and got her through the rest of her shift. We’re filtering in… And we’re in your neighborhood, Bubba, look out!
I got home and told my friend the story, we had a hell of a laugh at the stupidity of people and I told her I’d tell her the rest of the story later, I didn’t divulge where I was or what I was buying… Didn’t want to ruin the surprise.
Now down to the main point. Don’t change who you are because of where you are, (unless you’re a hate speech spewing asshole, then shut the fuck up and beat it, stay in your hole in your shit encrusted underpants, and just stay there). Get out into the world, don’t be a dick about it, but be you. Let people run, let them dodge, and if they start talking shit, turn around and deadpan them, trust me, they’re too big of cowards to do anything but run, and if they say anything sideways, in a cool, calm and low town inform them of their ignorance in detail. Trust me, they’ll think twice about opening their mouth again and maybe go home with something to chew on…
So Lilith and her tits and I did some good work in bible land and we got what we came for and let our presence be known. We’re here, and we’re not going anywhere. Get used to it.
All in all a successful day, while it did cross mind in wonder if I’d get nicked for public exposure/indecency, but I didn’t give a fuck, that would have just been more material and one hell of a shit storm to stir up.
So don’t hold back, be yourself and don’t be afraid to walk into Sheepland out of fear of rejection or shit looks. It’s their problem not yours. Never sacrifice yourself and your beliefs for others. I mean yes, sidebar, sometimes for work, we have to tone it down, to keep it to a dull roar, society hasn’t progressed enough yet to give the weirdoes with the non-stereotypical faiths a full pass yet to express that in the work place, (that’s a whole other blog), but when we’re not at work, (if you work somewhere where you have to cover up), be you. And we all need to pay bills, so with patience and perseverance soon we will be able to stop hiding behind specific dress codes and basic, boring ass suits. And right now with the pandemic and work being sparse, if you’re working now, just power through unless you’re fortunate to have something else pop up, we’ll get there. And once something better does, quit and take it.
And to be clear, I’m not talking about required work uniforms with logos that just go with the job, or business casual or business professional; (now having to cover up your tattoos, for that though, that grinds my gears, now this shit is getting off track, fuck). And not all suits are bad, trust me, I’ve met some rad ass mother fuckers who when they take the suits or scrubs off have some wicked artwork, open minds, different spiritual outlooks and are the most real mother fuckers you’ve ever met. Hell, I used to wear them! Looks can be deceiving so don’t be like the sheep and be quick to judge… We can spot our own. You can see it in their demeanor if you pay close enough attention.
Look at it this way, people aren’t acting like turds because they hate you, it’s because they’re afraid of you. Your lack of conformity. Your freewill. Your freedom of expression. Your not giving a flying, ever-living fuck what anyone thinks. So next time you debate about maybe having tits showing on your back like me or dressing the way you want, fucking do it and let their minds explode without a care in the world and maybe 1/100 will be one of those people who is too scared to be themselves and you just gave them the green light to do it. Wrap your brain around that one…
More in depth; to get the wheels turning, there may be a person who sees you that wants to be like you, that relates, that wants to have that freedom of self-expression but they may be too afraid to because of the blow back of what people will think or how they may be treated, so they conform and feel like shit. So if they see you out, being your true fucking self, it may help them shake that worry and give them the power to break free and be who they know they are inside and gain the courage to take the leap and leave all doubt behind. Be the aid they need. The inspiration. The quiet encouragement. And you don’t need to dress the way I do or have tits tattooed on your back to do it, for me that’s just and added bonus… just do you.
Until next time…
So here I am in the South. Where most of the things I bitch about are directly in my face. So I get first hand experience and be an even bigger shit disturber. I can see it rather than just read about it and scare the fuckers out of their skin when I’m in public, give them something to think about. It gave me an even better sounding board. Granted I’ve seen the ugly side of the world and humans, but not in mass like here. Look out Shit-Birds, the “Devil” just moved into your backyard… I have a few stories on this, but I’ll save the one from today, Fear & Loathing at the DMV for next week. So let’s travel back a few days...
So bookstores here are limited, hell, they’re limited everywhere. And what I was looking for wasn’t going to be in anything but a chain, if I was lucky…
But to my good fortune, the piece of work everyone should own in again, (my humble opinion), was available at the one Barnes & Nobel in the rich part of town. God fearing whities that love them some jesus and conformity.
So here’s the deal, it was hot as fuck, it was the 11th, my anniversary of getting sober, 9 years, so I thought it apropos to wear my I NEED MORE shirt from my friend Jimmy’s shop in NYC, who recently passed. He would talk with me about my sobriety, about kicking addiction, him having gone through it himself and my work. Well I own a kids 4T so it fits like a crop top. I put on a long black skirt that was wavy so I wouldn’t fry. In turning the light off in the bathroom I realized my back piece was showing, it’s a large portrait of Lilith, (hopefully soon to be finished when this shit is over, Becca, I’ll be flying out to see you and get her finished up), anyway… What was showing in between my crop top and skirt were her tits. And they’re big… Colossal. Mega tits you could say and nipples blazing, I took a second look, remembered where I was going and went, “ah, fuck it, fuck ‘em”, shut the light off and got in the car.
I was going to pick up the one copy of the Necronomicon for a dear friend’s birthday. So back tits out, them belonging to Lilith seemed fitting as hell. So off I went.
Anyway, the place was weird, laid out like a god damned labyrinth and the only signs on top of the shelves I could see read “Bibles”, like multiple rows. Now back in the day, in the “religious” section everything was in the same area, Wiccan, divination and the Occult. So I started in the bible rows just looking for the sign for spiritual, new age, the typical things you see my preferable kind of material under.
Now there were three long rows of this shit, yes I mean bibles, and no offense if that’s you book, it just sure as hell isn’t mine. I don’t think I need to explain why… Anyway, first row in I noticed people that I passed scurrying past me as I was trying to get through the isle and going god dammit by the time I hit row two, the poor bastards from row one bolted from row two and the others, looked at them, then me, I turned around and when I turned back around they were gone too. Still nothing of my kind of reading material in sight. Isle three, had to be there. Nope, more bibles. Now, I know this is going to be a big shocker, but I have tendency to think out loud, by this point I was annoyed. Like how many different versions and styles of the almost same god damn thing can there be for fucks sake? Which is pretty much what I was muttering, along with you’ve got to be kidding me and mother fucker man… And some what the hells in there, not loud, just mumbling. Well the sheep were all flocked in that isle and then just all scattered in different directions. I just made a weird face once the isle cleared and shrugged my shoulders. I mean fuck it, they got to see the real thing, what they’re afraid of, and everyone needs a good shaking up every now and then and if my mere presence and back tits offend you, grow up and open your god damned mind, Fucko’s.
So onward I wandered, people bolting around me and past me in a quick like fashion taking a second to look back, a few giving me the snarl face, in which I gave a raised eyebrow and smiled. Granted I had a black damask mask on and giant sunglasses, but the eyebrow could be seen as it popped out, and the deadpan as I stood still. Like, well, if you have something to say, might as well say it, who knows if I’ll appear again in your lifetime, Buddy. So this could have enlightened them that people like me do exist, but it probably just made them go home and bathe in holy water… but again, material I can put out into the world and publically talk about to raise awareness on how dumb people are in their ignorance and non-acceptance. The supposed big guy in the sky does sure distill some fear in motherfuckers. It’s pathetic but I’ll be damned if I hide from them. Or not blast them on their horse shit should they open their mouths.
Moving on. Lilith’s tits and I continued on, finding a far corner close to the front. Now I was deep in the labyrinth and somehow in the self-help section… I look to my right and what’s there, an entire row of divination tools, wiccan/pagan/astro books galore all under the title of self-awareness… Well they got that right. As pagans/witches/members of the occult we are highly self-aware and it is that self-awareness that aids us in our journey and practice. Anyway. No occult to be found. I was at the point of just looking for somebody that worked there, because on the other side was a lonely shelf facing the entrance of the store. There’s no way in hell they’d put it there, but fuck it, I’d give it a shot. And I’ll be damned, there it was. I saw LaVey, said hello old friend aloud and snagged the one and only copy of the Necronomicon and just looked at the other works. Flipping through some other texts and then remembered I still had to get a card and wrapping materials. I looked up to see the section title… Psychology… now if that wasn’t on fucking on point I don’t know what is, because in the Occult, it’s all about harnessing our inner energy, the conscious and subconscious mind, logic, and utilizing the power of the brain to utilize it in our workings. And let’s face it, it’s common sense. As a Satanist, (and being a member of The Satanic Temple, I know this), we are very self aware people, we think, we tap into the energy around us, can spot an asshole a mile away and can utilize our minds to form words of intelligence to enlighten them that their little box they enclose themselves in is garbage, should they fuck with us. And we use our brains and words to get things done, ranging from human rights of every kind and equal rights. Don’t fuck with us, don’t be stupid and we’ll leave you alone. Now let the sheep coming knocking or get out of control, we take action and use our intelligence and studies of what we’ve retained to combat it and push for change… So the occult material in the Psychology section. Logic. Still hidden, but one I could get behind. I wasn’t happy about it, but hey, that’s just an email I can send off, poetically stating on how while it was apropos, but not having section titles that matched the type of material on the back of the book is flawed and unacceptable in a multitude of ways. If the Occult and Wiccan material has to be in the self-help/awareness section/psychology, well, they either add the good ’ol book of bullshit in there, or just label them properly. And my brilliant revelation was of course they put it blazon in the front, so they could put eyes on the freaks like me who were purchasing or skimming through the material… I’ll never hide it, but really, eyes on those interested in it? Fuck you.
Anyway, at least all the people coming into the store got a nice tit shot. Here you go Fucko’s! Tits and Satan, it’s a mother fucking party!
Off I went to the card area. It was sparse, but I kept clearing that out and these poor bastards didn’t want to be in public anymore than me, and here I am, book of shit your pants scary and indecent back exposure. The card I found had a pink envelope which invoked a lip curl, but figured I’d created enough of an upheaval and the mask was making me nuts, so I stuck with the pink… I did another eyebrow raise and beckoned them in with a covered smile, and headed to check out. My work there was done. I frightened the lemmings and didn’t need to go into overkill. Plus knowing me, if one of the card hoverer’s said some shit, I’d get loud and rattle off some facts on ignorance and how they needed to wake up and stop being close minded fucks. At this point nothing good would come from my visit, so off with the pink envelope I went. It was a nice juxtaposition to the gift. I like juxtapositions and the humor that can come along with them.
So there I was in line up with whispers of, “back up”- “why?”-“just back up”. I started laughing at this point, and I snort when I laugh. The cashier asked what I was laughing about in a nice way and I just said people. She nodded and said, “me too”. I paid and walked out, back tits out to the crowd. A final send off. What the cashier thought I’ll never know, but by reading her, I’m guessing it was a relief. Diehard, uptight Christians can be the rudest, most entitled dicks, if you’ve ever noticed. So maybe she liked it. Maybe my purchase which she didn’t bat an eye at, only smiled and sent me on my merry way, gave her a right on and got her through the rest of her shift. We’re filtering in… And we’re in your neighborhood, Bubba, look out!
I got home and told my friend the story, we had a hell of a laugh at the stupidity of people and I told her I’d tell her the rest of the story later, I didn’t divulge where I was or what I was buying… Didn’t want to ruin the surprise.
Now down to the main point. Don’t change who you are because of where you are, (unless you’re a hate speech spewing asshole, then shut the fuck up and beat it, stay in your hole in your shit encrusted underpants, and just stay there). Get out into the world, don’t be a dick about it, but be you. Let people run, let them dodge, and if they start talking shit, turn around and deadpan them, trust me, they’re too big of cowards to do anything but run, and if they say anything sideways, in a cool, calm and low town inform them of their ignorance in detail. Trust me, they’ll think twice about opening their mouth again and maybe go home with something to chew on…
So Lilith and her tits and I did some good work in bible land and we got what we came for and let our presence be known. We’re here, and we’re not going anywhere. Get used to it.
All in all a successful day, while it did cross mind in wonder if I’d get nicked for public exposure/indecency, but I didn’t give a fuck, that would have just been more material and one hell of a shit storm to stir up.
So don’t hold back, be yourself and don’t be afraid to walk into Sheepland out of fear of rejection or shit looks. It’s their problem not yours. Never sacrifice yourself and your beliefs for others. I mean yes, sidebar, sometimes for work, we have to tone it down, to keep it to a dull roar, society hasn’t progressed enough yet to give the weirdoes with the non-stereotypical faiths a full pass yet to express that in the work place, (that’s a whole other blog), but when we’re not at work, (if you work somewhere where you have to cover up), be you. And we all need to pay bills, so with patience and perseverance soon we will be able to stop hiding behind specific dress codes and basic, boring ass suits. And right now with the pandemic and work being sparse, if you’re working now, just power through unless you’re fortunate to have something else pop up, we’ll get there. And once something better does, quit and take it.
And to be clear, I’m not talking about required work uniforms with logos that just go with the job, or business casual or business professional; (now having to cover up your tattoos, for that though, that grinds my gears, now this shit is getting off track, fuck). And not all suits are bad, trust me, I’ve met some rad ass mother fuckers who when they take the suits or scrubs off have some wicked artwork, open minds, different spiritual outlooks and are the most real mother fuckers you’ve ever met. Hell, I used to wear them! Looks can be deceiving so don’t be like the sheep and be quick to judge… We can spot our own. You can see it in their demeanor if you pay close enough attention.
Look at it this way, people aren’t acting like turds because they hate you, it’s because they’re afraid of you. Your lack of conformity. Your freewill. Your freedom of expression. Your not giving a flying, ever-living fuck what anyone thinks. So next time you debate about maybe having tits showing on your back like me or dressing the way you want, fucking do it and let their minds explode without a care in the world and maybe 1/100 will be one of those people who is too scared to be themselves and you just gave them the green light to do it. Wrap your brain around that one…
More in depth; to get the wheels turning, there may be a person who sees you that wants to be like you, that relates, that wants to have that freedom of self-expression but they may be too afraid to because of the blow back of what people will think or how they may be treated, so they conform and feel like shit. So if they see you out, being your true fucking self, it may help them shake that worry and give them the power to break free and be who they know they are inside and gain the courage to take the leap and leave all doubt behind. Be the aid they need. The inspiration. The quiet encouragement. And you don’t need to dress the way I do or have tits tattooed on your back to do it, for me that’s just and added bonus… just do you.
Until next time…