Addiction. A dog that doesn’t go down easy. And that’s just the thing. You can’t put it to sleep, you can only sedate it. Give it another kick when it wakes up and growls in the middle of the night.
That’s the obstacle, as addicts, we have to constantly live with the growling dog. A true addict never completely loses the desire to use, it only mellows. Flare ups happen and sometimes we have to hold ourselves in place so as not to get up and get whatever it is we’re jonesing for.
But, in keeping clean, in getting clean; it’s all about desires.
There’s no complex methodology. Now long drawn out answer or solution to getting and keeping clean, it’s all desire.
The desire to be clean must trump the desire to use. There’s no way to force this, it must come naturally. Interventions are great sure, to let the junkie know you care and alert them to a problem they might not see... But truth is, they see it. They live with it, they may even be trying to fight it, but without the deep desire to get and keep clean, it will never happen.
I don’t believe in forced rehabilitation. That’s how junkies die. They clean up for the wrong reasons. The courts, friends, family, lovers, but not for themselves. The desire to pick the needle up is till there, overriding the desire to clean up. So after months of fighting and false assertions to want to be clean, they go back out. They go back hard, pick up where they left off. This is how overdoses happen. Heart attacks. Liver failure. The system can’t keep up with the mind and six feet under they go. I’ve seen this more often than not.
The person must desire to be clean and that desire, just like the rabid dog that howls in the night, grows stronger and outweighs the desire to use.
For years people urged me to clean up. The courts ordered it. My friends and family begged me. Institutions told me I had a problem and I didn’t care.
I cleaned up for a bit. But soon enough picked back up. Almost killing myself in the process. Each time adding something harder to the mix, thinking it was ok, because I had taken a break.
I don’t know what it was exactly that caused my brain to switch. My desires to change. One morning, two and a half years ago I just woke up and said enough is enough. And that desire to keep clean has outweighed the desire to get fucked up ever since. But that’s not to say the dog doesn’t howl and the shit doesn’t cross my mind. Sure it does. All the time. Sometimes so badly I could tear my hair out. But it quickly fades and I realize that’s not what I want.
You can’t force an addict to clean up. They have to do it on their own. Sure it might kill them to keep using, but that’s their choice. It’s a sad one but ultimately only a decision they can make.
You can tell them your worries, your concerns, but what they do with it is their own.
Too much pressure works the opposite of it’s intention. Heavy pressure leads to heavy using. It creates anger, guilt and shame in the addict and most of the time that’s why they’re using to begin with. To escape those feelings. Creating them isn’t going to help. A kind word is fine and more than enough. And let’s be honest, you’re most likely jonesing to say it because you don’t want to feel your own guilt for what happens if they die from the shit or end up in the hospital. Think about it. I’m not wrong. We’re all running, in one way or another from those nasty little, shitty feelings. We just have different ways of going about them. Just don’t let your marathon send someone else on one.
It’s that simple. Desire. One must truly desire to be clean over the desire to use. Once that’s in motion, nothing can stop their recovery. Only that simple switch.
Keep it simple and don’t force it. If it’s meant to be, it will come.
For further reading on my journey through addiction and recovery purchase the books;
Hi, Have You Met Me? on Amazon/Kindle http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B009W1M
and
There's No Good Campfires Left In Hell on Amazon/Kindle http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H7CZ590
or paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/kate-monahan/theres-no-good-campfires-left-in-hell/paperback/product-21276242.html
Don’t forget to stalk me further at https://twitter.com/#!/hihaveyoumetme and http://www.facebook.com/authorkatemonahan
That’s the obstacle, as addicts, we have to constantly live with the growling dog. A true addict never completely loses the desire to use, it only mellows. Flare ups happen and sometimes we have to hold ourselves in place so as not to get up and get whatever it is we’re jonesing for.
But, in keeping clean, in getting clean; it’s all about desires.
There’s no complex methodology. Now long drawn out answer or solution to getting and keeping clean, it’s all desire.
The desire to be clean must trump the desire to use. There’s no way to force this, it must come naturally. Interventions are great sure, to let the junkie know you care and alert them to a problem they might not see... But truth is, they see it. They live with it, they may even be trying to fight it, but without the deep desire to get and keep clean, it will never happen.
I don’t believe in forced rehabilitation. That’s how junkies die. They clean up for the wrong reasons. The courts, friends, family, lovers, but not for themselves. The desire to pick the needle up is till there, overriding the desire to clean up. So after months of fighting and false assertions to want to be clean, they go back out. They go back hard, pick up where they left off. This is how overdoses happen. Heart attacks. Liver failure. The system can’t keep up with the mind and six feet under they go. I’ve seen this more often than not.
The person must desire to be clean and that desire, just like the rabid dog that howls in the night, grows stronger and outweighs the desire to use.
For years people urged me to clean up. The courts ordered it. My friends and family begged me. Institutions told me I had a problem and I didn’t care.
I cleaned up for a bit. But soon enough picked back up. Almost killing myself in the process. Each time adding something harder to the mix, thinking it was ok, because I had taken a break.
I don’t know what it was exactly that caused my brain to switch. My desires to change. One morning, two and a half years ago I just woke up and said enough is enough. And that desire to keep clean has outweighed the desire to get fucked up ever since. But that’s not to say the dog doesn’t howl and the shit doesn’t cross my mind. Sure it does. All the time. Sometimes so badly I could tear my hair out. But it quickly fades and I realize that’s not what I want.
You can’t force an addict to clean up. They have to do it on their own. Sure it might kill them to keep using, but that’s their choice. It’s a sad one but ultimately only a decision they can make.
You can tell them your worries, your concerns, but what they do with it is their own.
Too much pressure works the opposite of it’s intention. Heavy pressure leads to heavy using. It creates anger, guilt and shame in the addict and most of the time that’s why they’re using to begin with. To escape those feelings. Creating them isn’t going to help. A kind word is fine and more than enough. And let’s be honest, you’re most likely jonesing to say it because you don’t want to feel your own guilt for what happens if they die from the shit or end up in the hospital. Think about it. I’m not wrong. We’re all running, in one way or another from those nasty little, shitty feelings. We just have different ways of going about them. Just don’t let your marathon send someone else on one.
It’s that simple. Desire. One must truly desire to be clean over the desire to use. Once that’s in motion, nothing can stop their recovery. Only that simple switch.
Keep it simple and don’t force it. If it’s meant to be, it will come.
For further reading on my journey through addiction and recovery purchase the books;
Hi, Have You Met Me? on Amazon/Kindle http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B009W1M
and
There's No Good Campfires Left In Hell on Amazon/Kindle http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H7CZ590
or paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/kate-monahan/theres-no-good-campfires-left-in-hell/paperback/product-21276242.html
Don’t forget to stalk me further at https://twitter.com/#!/hihaveyoumetme and http://www.facebook.com/authorkatemonahan