Some of us have stayed inside, the summer flew by and many stayed in missing time outdoors and getting out in the fresh air. Now we’re in the fall season. This is a time when I most like to be outdoors, to explore, take time off and let my wanderlust take the wheel. In a sense this is escapism, but also a recharge. And while I miss going to concerts, going out to dinner with friends or not thinking twice about going to the movies, other than live music, being outside and traveling is my go-to. Granted I can’t get on a plane and go off the grid for a week, the process now would be far from relaxing, but I can still get in my car and drive. That in which I’m grateful for.
Driving has always been cathartic for me. And when living in cities without having a car, I would ride the subway to a destination an hour or so out or take the train out of the city. The motion alone would help clear my head and kill any restlessness I might have been feeling.
Now, in this day in age, my life has become a series of days encumbered by day in and day out restlessness. And while I could keep telling myself this won’t last forever; things take longer to get through than we expect, (as most things that involve change and fixing do), we feel as though it may never end, (which it will), but things do get worse before they get better. That I can’t bullshit you on. But it’s how we deal with it in the now that matters.
This as I’ve talked about can take a toll on the mind. And while I incessantly harp on about being active and raising our voices, we do need periods of rest for the mind to be able to continue on. For me, I like to think I’m a robot, this thing that can just go and go without stopping, without resting, thinking my nightly meditation before bed is good enough. But it’s not. Sometimes we have to step back, sit down, or put ourselves into quiet motion and escape into the quiet of the mind. Where for a period of time we just check out. It doesn’t mean we don’t care, it just means we’re caring for ourselves so we can continue to proceed fully in the future. And getting myself to do this is a perpetual fight. While one would think I would have gotten better at this with age, I’ve gotten worse. Fear of losing time, thinking if I let up for just one second, everything will fall apart and go to shit. And this is the thinking that’s landed me in the ER for exhaustion before and caused great upset in my own head many a time. I knew months ago I needed to take time off, to unplug, block out days to go dark and let the joy of wanderlust kick in and reset my mind, wipe the remaining dust from the previous scribbling off the chalk board and start fresh. So I blocked out time and started planning.
For me, my first time living in a landlocked state, I had to find someplace that I could go to clear my head. I usually find my solace by the ocean or large body of water, like the Great Lakes. But here, there are the Great Smokey Mountains; there are drives and trails I could get lost in.
Of course my head tried to convince myself to take the days to write, work on projects and relentlessly pull for new ideas, but for the last month my head was in a negative space and I was consistently in a foul mood and agitated. Restless. And not in the kind of way that produces good writing. I needed to get out.
So earlier this week I grabbed my notepad and began scribbling down trails and scenic drives to go on, mapping them out and what day I would do what, and allowing myself the flexibility to change them around.
I found great comfort knowing I would soon have this reset but also felt guilty that while shit was a mess I was tuning out. But that’s horseshit and I knew it. I needed to tune out to reset. It’s like if you play an instrument to death and never tune it, it begins to sound like shit, and that was my inner mind, it was an overplayed instrument that needed attention and care. So I allowed myself to look forward to my block of days and push the guilt aside.
Fall is my favorite time of year. It’s quite, it cools down and you can feel the slow ending of the year coming on. In a way, fall represents death, and death is something I’ve always been in close relation too and see it in its many facets, not just physical. But what it represents. It’s an ending. And an ending it allows for new growth. Without it there would be no change. For the seasons, we’d see no displays of immaculate colors that inspire so many. So I welcome it every year with open arms and a sigh of relief. Now I can recharge. I can find peace looking outside at the turning leaves or stepping out on my balcony and feeling the cool breeze knowing that all things change and nothing lasts forever, and in that change, the beginning of the end, moving toward to a new beginning there is peace and beauty. We can reflect on what has been and pause, breathe and think of what we want to come. Whether it be in massive changes in the world and what we’ll do, to creative projects and old ways of being we wish to shed and banish, as they no longer serve us. This is the time of great reflection for me, and it is in that period of rest and resetting that I am able to do that.
If we don’t unplug, even for just a day or a few hours spread out amongst days, the mind and body will suffer and the mechanism that allows us to carry out our plans and motivations will suffer, and then, so do our plans and workings.
So while yes, shit is still a mess, I encourage you to get out, go for a walk or drive, unplug from everything you have going on in your life and allow yourself to reset. We have a hard winter ahead, and now is the time when we need to pause so that when winter comes, and the days ahead, when we need our voices to be heard most, we’ll be rested and ready and of sound mind and ready to push forward.
We are not machines that can be oiled and tinkered on that just keep going without a solid pause. We are human and we need the pause to care for the body and mind, we are more fragile then machines whether we like to admit it or not. So, if you’re like me and finding time to pause is difficult for you, just remember, if we don’t take time to, in the middle of the metaphorical battlefield we’re fighting on, we’ll drop and revival is never guaranteed. So take time and reset. Release any feelings of guilt. Know you’re recharging to be your best self. For me that’s in soundness and clarity of mind so I can keep working on my creative projects, push for change and continuing to raise my voice with an unbridled fierceness. Right now my metaphorical voice is hoarse and my mind is in a thick fog in which it cannot accurately articulate what I want and need to say. So tomorrow I will take to the mountains, and there, regain my voice and soundness of mind.
If you can, I urge you to find the time. Call it escapism, resetting or just plain rest; take it. Allow yourself time to let the mind just wander as well as the body. In my moments spent in pure wanderlust is when I come out the most sound and awake.
Until next time. This groggy, Witch is taking to the woods… Time to play lost and found.