We don’t all want to lie down like dogs and take unnecessary orders. But some do. Some want to line up like sheep. Why? Fear? Because it’s more comfortable? Less consequences? Less pressure from society? Or less brain cells? Ignorance is bliss, remember…
There’s a variety of reasons. Being yourself completely is difficult. It’s harder than conforming.
Granted, conforming might make someone crazy, because maybe they don’t want to? But swallowing some shit is easier than sticking your fucking neck out and being different.
Being different freaks people out. It makes them nervous. Because either they don’t understand it or they’re jealous because they don’t have the balls to do it themselves. Those people are the ones that make it so much harder for people such as myself; to be myself. Because as an individual acting as your own, you know you’re going to catch some level of shit for it. That on a daily basis, someone is going to give you an unsolicited opinion of yourself.
And really, from strngers, who gives a shit?
The hardest is when it comes to those inner circles. What about my friends, family, dating circles?
Luckily I have an extremely supportive and understanding family; I don’t have to worry about them tearing me apart for choosing to look different and act out on my own.
As far as friends, I learned to stick with my own kind. Other people who are their own person. In my experience, people that were less comfortable with themselves or searching for a fucking identity of their own, usually turned out to be lecherous and evil. They’re the worst really.
And dating, really it’s the same as friends. You have to find somebody that shares in your same kind of weird. That is also an indvidual. For me, I need someone who is strong-willed, sticks to their guns, is creative and can appreciate and accept my own oddities.
But there was a point, too many times to count, where I felt that maybe I needed to try to blend in a little better, that my life would be easier that way.
And every time I tried, I failed. I was fucking miserable. I hated the square I was with and I hated their stupid normal job and stupid normal clothes. (Squares bring out my inner five year old), and not that there’s anything wrong with them, they’re just not for me.
Just like I’m not for them. And our circles should be separate, unless of course linked by common interest; and then if both individuals can keep themselves intact without conforming to the other’s beliefs or lifestyles just for the sake of making it work; bless their hearts. But I’m done experimenting.
This year, I’ll be making no exceptions. I have a piece of paper above my computer that says, “Dear 2013, I will be Myself and do what I want, Everyday. I Will Be ME.”
I’ll act, dress and present myself as I feel. And I’ll do it for myself. Granted I’ve been doing this for over 15 fucking years now, but this year, I’m giving it 100%. Because the last few years, I’d say I’ve given it 85%, allowing 15% of myself to give into the “easy” trap. Experiment with slightly blending in or not doing or doing something because of what someone might think.
So now, all bets are off. I’m throwing my cards down and walking away from the table. I just don’t give a fuck. It is what it is. If someone doesn’t like it, well, there’s the door, Bucko. Adios.
This bitch is going to be herself all day, everyday. And you should do the same.
Be yourself and fuck anybody that threatens that. It’s your right and you owe it to yourself. We only live once, so why be anything else?
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