But before I get carried away…
I promised a link to the book for purchase; and here it is!
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B009W1M
You can upload the ebook there, which is exclusive to Kindle for the first 90 days, then available for download on other various tablets. And as I said yesterday, all of the proceeds will go to Greenhope Services For Women. There’s a link to the website on yesterday’s blog.
So back to “feelings”. Things that have been rather lacking in my life for the past 13 years. For a little under 12 I was doped up and had conditioned myself to not get attached to anything or anyone to avoid getting hurt. And if it looked like I might be feeling something, it got numbed. Immediately.
I saw somewhere on the Internet, something about sobriety and feelings. How they come hand in hand; and after you’re sober a stint, they come out to play. Yay.
Ups, downs and in-betweens. The in-betweens I’m used to. That’s the norm. The squirmy guts, the “liking people”, the nerves of accomplishment and feeling proud of myself; all overwhelming and foreign.
What the fuck is going on? It The Tin Man getting a heart? Mine has been misshapen and rather tattered for quite sometime; and I can feel it shifting, mending. I’m becoming more real, more present, more in-tune with myself. I’m not just coasting. And to be honest, I was getting bored with coasting.
The first six months I was clean, my mind was numb and consumed with getting through a physical and mental narcotics dependency. The next six months were spent writing and getting my shit together. I stayed single that first year, not capable of concerning myself with anyone else or their issues. I had too many of my own.
The past six months were focused on getting my confidence back and writing everyday and making something out of that last book. I dated a little; and down. I wasn’t confident enough to handle anything worth while. About two months ago that all shifted.
My confidence was intact, I had my path and purpose and I believed in myself and what I was doing. There would be absolutely no settling. And this apparently came with “feelings”.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that due to these new “friends”, I make several stupid faces daily and like I said earlier, have constant IBS like symptoms. These are what people live for I guess. I’m learning to like them and understand them. I’ll get used to the roller-coaster eventually and enjoy the present state.
It’s funny, I never know what I’m going to get now. The grab bag of emotions. Weird.
But right now, I’m happy and fucking beside myself with the squirmy guts of accomplishment and gratitude.
Many thanks & sXe for life; it saved mine. Death Before Dishonor.
Buy Hi, Have You Met Me? on Amazon today! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B009W1M
Check out the blog on it's home site @
www.hihaveyoumetme.com for previous writings and more.
Don’t forget to stalk me further at https://twitter.com/#!/hihaveyoumetme orhttp://www.facebook.com/authorkatemonahan