Somebody asked me last night that if I could pick a song to equate to my life, what would it be?
My first reaction was that it was a dumb question; one asked by bored people who are trying to pass the time a little less painfully.
So under mild duress, I answered.
“Muzzle, Smashing Pumpkins.”
I’m kind of a music nerd, it being one of my first passions. So rattling off song names and bands isn’t hard. Did you want the album name and release date as well? No I don’t want to solve your hard math problem, I’m busy storing useless knowledge…
When I rattled the song off, I knew it was in my Top 5 of favorites, but wasn’t really sure why. I remembered the first two lines, relating to them (ever since the song was released), and thinking that I knew what the hell Billy was screaming about.
I downloaded the lyrics this morning to see how right I was and whether or not my colleague was going to be looking at me sideways from now on.
Oddly enough, it was dead on. My intuition was correct. I understood what the song was written about and why I connected to it.
After seeing so much shit and feeling so much pain, willing myself to throw it all away and then realizing I couldn’t keep killing myself off, that I wanted to live, I got it.
I understood the screaming, the humility, the loss, the gain and the inner push to live and be.
So thanks Billy. Thanks for inspiring the bad eyeliner in high school. The anger fueled rages in college. The dark moments when all hope was lost, sitting in a pile on my floor, crying my eyes out, wanting to be perfect and then giving me something to listen too when it finally all made sense…
“Muzzle”
I fear that I’m ordinary, just like everyone
To lie here and die among the sorrows
Adrift among the days
For everything I ever said
And everything I’ve ever done is gone and dead
As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
My life has been extraordinary
Blessed and cursed and won
Time heals but I’m forever broken
By and by the way…
Have you ever heard the words
I’m singing in these songs?
It’s for the girl I’ve loved all along
Can a taste of love be so wrong
As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
And in my mind as I was floating
Far above the clouds
Some children laughed I’d fall for certain
For thinking that I’d last forever
But I knew exactly where I was
And I knew the meaning of it all
And I knew the distance to the sun
And I knew the echo that is love
And I knew the secrets in your spires
And I knew the emptiness of youth
And I knew the solitude of heart
And I knew the murmurs of the soul
And the world is drawn into your hands
And the world is etched upon your heart
And the world so hard to understand
Is the world you can’t live without
And I knew the silence of the world
Check out the blog on it's home site @
www.hihaveyoumetme.com for previous writings and more.
Don’t forget to stalk me further at https://twitter.com/#!/hihaveyoumetme orhttp://www.facebook.com/authorkatemonahan
My first reaction was that it was a dumb question; one asked by bored people who are trying to pass the time a little less painfully.
So under mild duress, I answered.
“Muzzle, Smashing Pumpkins.”
I’m kind of a music nerd, it being one of my first passions. So rattling off song names and bands isn’t hard. Did you want the album name and release date as well? No I don’t want to solve your hard math problem, I’m busy storing useless knowledge…
When I rattled the song off, I knew it was in my Top 5 of favorites, but wasn’t really sure why. I remembered the first two lines, relating to them (ever since the song was released), and thinking that I knew what the hell Billy was screaming about.
I downloaded the lyrics this morning to see how right I was and whether or not my colleague was going to be looking at me sideways from now on.
Oddly enough, it was dead on. My intuition was correct. I understood what the song was written about and why I connected to it.
After seeing so much shit and feeling so much pain, willing myself to throw it all away and then realizing I couldn’t keep killing myself off, that I wanted to live, I got it.
I understood the screaming, the humility, the loss, the gain and the inner push to live and be.
So thanks Billy. Thanks for inspiring the bad eyeliner in high school. The anger fueled rages in college. The dark moments when all hope was lost, sitting in a pile on my floor, crying my eyes out, wanting to be perfect and then giving me something to listen too when it finally all made sense…
“Muzzle”
I fear that I’m ordinary, just like everyone
To lie here and die among the sorrows
Adrift among the days
For everything I ever said
And everything I’ve ever done is gone and dead
As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
My life has been extraordinary
Blessed and cursed and won
Time heals but I’m forever broken
By and by the way…
Have you ever heard the words
I’m singing in these songs?
It’s for the girl I’ve loved all along
Can a taste of love be so wrong
As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
And in my mind as I was floating
Far above the clouds
Some children laughed I’d fall for certain
For thinking that I’d last forever
But I knew exactly where I was
And I knew the meaning of it all
And I knew the distance to the sun
And I knew the echo that is love
And I knew the secrets in your spires
And I knew the emptiness of youth
And I knew the solitude of heart
And I knew the murmurs of the soul
And the world is drawn into your hands
And the world is etched upon your heart
And the world so hard to understand
Is the world you can’t live without
And I knew the silence of the world
Check out the blog on it's home site @
www.hihaveyoumetme.com for previous writings and more.
Don’t forget to stalk me further at https://twitter.com/#!/hihaveyoumetme orhttp://www.facebook.com/authorkatemonahan