The Asshole Avenger.
Who? That’s right, the Asshole Avenger. The quiet weirdo that roots for the underdog and doesn’t take shit from jerks or let other people take shit from jerks. They seem like the asshole, but really, they’re the good guy.
Sounds like little kid shit, but bear with me.
So earlier this week I made mention of of an incident of a pair of old people getting yelled at in Whole Foods by some foul-mouthed little brat. After my interaction in said scenario, I came up with this Asshole Avenger idea…
The superhero that seems like the bad guy because they’re brooding and quiet, but they’re not. They even look like the bad guy, but really they stick up for the underdog and have the best intentions. These characters been written. Jesse Custer from the Preacher series or Deadpool, (both comic references, sorry; the inner dork came out, but we are talking superheros aren’t we?). Those have always been my favorite kinds of characters. Not too sugary sweet to make me want to puke and not too dark to be truly evil. Maybe I knew what I was going to become…
But I’m not that cool. I don’t think I’m some superhero, I just don’t like people being dicks for no reason. And if I see something, I say something. Just like they tell you to do in the airport or subway stations.
So here’s the Whole Foods story:
I’m at the register and a little old couple goes to the one in front of me. Now the check-out in this under ground hell hole in Columbus Circle is rather confusing. There’s multiple lines, a color coded system and numbers. If you’ve never done it before it’s a mess. I sure as shit didn’t get it my first time in there.
Anyway. The older guy is wearing one of those train conductor hats and the older lady is wearing pearls and a turtleneck. Harmless.
Out of nowhere flies this teenage girl, probably 16 or so, (but who can tell these days?) screaming, “Yo, it ‘aint your turn. You gotta get back in fuckin’ line. You don’t know what you’re doing, you gotta get back, yo!”
The old people look startled and confused. The teenager’s mother is there too, standing silent, letting her kid act like a total douche-bag. The older woman begins to apologize and gather up her things, truly sorry and willing to move. The teenager, (while the woman is still talking to her), turns and looks at me and rolls her eyes.
Instead of nodding in agreement with the eye-roll, I say, “Listen you little bitch, that woman is trying to apologize to you. You yelled at her, now it’s your job to listen.”
Her mother looked at me with giant eyes, like she may now, after all of this say something. I beat her to it, “And you’re the dumb twat that was supposed to teach her that!” Finger point and all. Go me. Score one for the helpless and the old.
Needless to say the older couple finished checking out and the asshole family got back in line.
Do I recommend calling teenagers and their parents names? Hell no. Did it happen, sure. But my motive was to get their attention. And for people that daft, sometimes being a little fucking brutal is the only way to get through to them. Like I said earlier, make them think twice. And again I’m not god, but I hate bullies. Especially rude ones.
All I can say is that if you see something, say something. Be the Asshole Avenger and stick up for yourself and others. Maybe this way the world will be a better place.
One with less twats and bitches.
Check out the blog on it's home site @
www.hihaveyoumetme.com for previous writings and more.
Don’t forget to stalk me further at https://twitter.com/#!/hihaveyoumetme orhttp://www.facebook.com/authorkatemonahan
Who? That’s right, the Asshole Avenger. The quiet weirdo that roots for the underdog and doesn’t take shit from jerks or let other people take shit from jerks. They seem like the asshole, but really, they’re the good guy.
Sounds like little kid shit, but bear with me.
So earlier this week I made mention of of an incident of a pair of old people getting yelled at in Whole Foods by some foul-mouthed little brat. After my interaction in said scenario, I came up with this Asshole Avenger idea…
The superhero that seems like the bad guy because they’re brooding and quiet, but they’re not. They even look like the bad guy, but really they stick up for the underdog and have the best intentions. These characters been written. Jesse Custer from the Preacher series or Deadpool, (both comic references, sorry; the inner dork came out, but we are talking superheros aren’t we?). Those have always been my favorite kinds of characters. Not too sugary sweet to make me want to puke and not too dark to be truly evil. Maybe I knew what I was going to become…
But I’m not that cool. I don’t think I’m some superhero, I just don’t like people being dicks for no reason. And if I see something, I say something. Just like they tell you to do in the airport or subway stations.
So here’s the Whole Foods story:
I’m at the register and a little old couple goes to the one in front of me. Now the check-out in this under ground hell hole in Columbus Circle is rather confusing. There’s multiple lines, a color coded system and numbers. If you’ve never done it before it’s a mess. I sure as shit didn’t get it my first time in there.
Anyway. The older guy is wearing one of those train conductor hats and the older lady is wearing pearls and a turtleneck. Harmless.
Out of nowhere flies this teenage girl, probably 16 or so, (but who can tell these days?) screaming, “Yo, it ‘aint your turn. You gotta get back in fuckin’ line. You don’t know what you’re doing, you gotta get back, yo!”
The old people look startled and confused. The teenager’s mother is there too, standing silent, letting her kid act like a total douche-bag. The older woman begins to apologize and gather up her things, truly sorry and willing to move. The teenager, (while the woman is still talking to her), turns and looks at me and rolls her eyes.
Instead of nodding in agreement with the eye-roll, I say, “Listen you little bitch, that woman is trying to apologize to you. You yelled at her, now it’s your job to listen.”
Her mother looked at me with giant eyes, like she may now, after all of this say something. I beat her to it, “And you’re the dumb twat that was supposed to teach her that!” Finger point and all. Go me. Score one for the helpless and the old.
Needless to say the older couple finished checking out and the asshole family got back in line.
Do I recommend calling teenagers and their parents names? Hell no. Did it happen, sure. But my motive was to get their attention. And for people that daft, sometimes being a little fucking brutal is the only way to get through to them. Like I said earlier, make them think twice. And again I’m not god, but I hate bullies. Especially rude ones.
All I can say is that if you see something, say something. Be the Asshole Avenger and stick up for yourself and others. Maybe this way the world will be a better place.
One with less twats and bitches.
Check out the blog on it's home site @
www.hihaveyoumetme.com for previous writings and more.
Don’t forget to stalk me further at https://twitter.com/#!/hihaveyoumetme orhttp://www.facebook.com/authorkatemonahan